it's been a while since Selena Rox wrote something worth while...

Just saw "He's Just Not That Into You"
GAH.
SO GOOD.
OH MY GOD.

I cried a happy cry. I haven't had a happy cry in so long.
It was as if I were being proposed to, thats how realistic the movie became, and the developement of the characters.

I also saw the middle part of The Graduate today in film class,
and I LOVE THAT MOVIE now.
so much...
I dunno, I just can relate to Dustin Hoffman's character Benjamin so much.

And now to begin a plethora of thought:

I find myself feeling the same way tonight that I did after I saw Twilight-
Wanting to find love.

Now I know what you're thinking,
like WHAAAAT?! Selena, the cynic on love wanting to find someone to love, cuddle, adore, be adored, laugh with, hold, etc etc?! NAWW..

But as lame as it is,
I do.
I found myself relating to Justin Long's Character, Alex, in He's Just Not That Into You- I refuse to let my guard down and realize when I like someone because I don't want to be vulnerable.

I totally hate relationships, right?

well, maybe it's not so much that I hate relationships,
as, I just happen to not find the right type to participate in.

So what does this all mean?
Well, I honestly don't know, completely.

I know this:
I'm not going to start specifically LOOKING for someone to be my significant other,
or anything like that,
nor am I going to jump into a relationship with someone.
Nothing like that, no no no,
I just know that I'm not going to be the way I have been about this kind of stuff.

I'm going to stop juggleing mini-flings,
I'm not going to hook-up with someone just because I find them attractive,
or anything like that.

I guess, I'm just going to grow up?
Perhaps?
I dunno.

I just miss getting to know people.
I feel like I don't really know anyone anymore.
I just use my observational skills, and intuition to figure out everyone's human nature.
but this doesn't mean I actually KNOW someone,
I just know them...
ya know?

Hahha.
I'm weird.
I'm so weird.

You know what else I realized about myself today?
Since I'm such a casual person,
easy-going and layed-back,
it's no wonder that the relationships I am involved in,
the friendships I have created are so casual.

Seriously.
I can't be serious with anyone date-wise.
It just doesn't happen.
I just want so bad to not be that girl,
the clingy, girly-girl.
So much so that I'm one of the guys,
but not just any one of the guys,
I'm one of the guys that the guys think is hott,
so then we kiss and stuff,
but that's all.
Just friends with benefits.

I never really had an issue with this,
until I realized this:
all of the girls that I think less of
because of their promiscuous relationships with men,

they are just like me.

Well, not just like me,
but we're involved in similar situations,
so why don't I think less of myself??

When I do what I do,
I consider it okay because I am like one of the guys--
I have a double standard.
WTF?! Seriously?
Yeah, I know, messed up.

And so now I'm done with that.
I was so appalled at myself when I realized that.

It was ridiculous.
The only thing that makes me different than this one girl that I will openly admit that I talk mad shit about,
is that I don't smoke or drink...
or have herpes...
hahaha.

so I'm done judging women that have casual hook-ups,
because I'm one of them,
and I feel more like high-fiving them now,
the way that I high-five my friends when I score.
giggity gig.

anyhow.
I'm a changed girl now,
which is pretty dope,
I'm feeling good about myself.
Just rollin' with the punches.