I look better in my photographs than I do in real life.
I know this, and i'm okay with it.
[And Tyra said it herself, modeling is about looking better in photographs than you do in real life]
I don't think I claim to be better looking than I really am,
and to tell you the truth, I don't know why anyone ever find me attractive
in any sense.
I dunno, I guess I'm just not my type.
No, I'm not fishing for compliments.
Or anything of that nature, that's lame.
It's just been brought to my attention this weekend
that many people think I am 'self-centered' and that I think that I'm 'hott'.
To this, I laugh.
Because anyone that really knows me,
knows that my self esteem is all pretend.
knows that I constantly put the happiness of others infront of my own,
as much as I preach the importance of making yourself happy before making other people happy.
To me, I think the most I have to offer anyone are my thoughts.
My thoughts, theorys, etc, are so much bigger than my head and my body.
As much as I don't give a fuck about what people think of me,
I care far too much.
I know I have borderline personality disorders,
I know that I constantly contradict myself,
This is because I really do believe I am two people living in one body.
Fun Selena, and Smart Selena.
Fun Selena acts dumb for fun.
Smart Selena is the reason I am not dead yet.
Honestly, I am one of THE most insecure people you will ever meet.
Do I let you know that?
Hell no.
Why?
Because I'm a strong individual.
There are only a few people that I let see the real me.
I don't like being vulnerable.
I don't date because dating would mean that I have to let more people see who I really am.
And I don't want to.
So, moral of the story.
I know I'm not 'hott' or anything like that.
I'm not self-centered,
Even though this post is all about me, haha, I feel like everyone
has the right to defend themselves.
I honestly hate talking about myself,
and I hate when people ask me questions about who I am.
Find out for yourself.
I act the way I do, because if I acted the way I feel I'd be boring,
and no one would want to be my friend.
Hell, even my friends don't want to be my friends, haha.
So yeah.
I'm not pretty.
I'm not a fun person.
But damnit, I'll sure as hell pretend to be to entertain you.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
excellent news for selena rox
So so so today I got my acceptance letter from USM!! :] Pretty stoked. I've gotten into two schools out of the seven I ended up applying to. The fact that I haven't been rejected from anywhere yet makes me so happy. I don't really want to go to either of the schools I've been accepted to [USM and Shoreline CC] but it's good to know that no matter what, I have a plan for next year.
I'll probably hear back from Suffolk on monday, thank god. that's my top choice school, followed by Worcester.
I'm ungrounded next weekend, and I can't wait.
I have a photoshoot on the 29th.
I'm not wasting anytime.
I can't wait to get back to the real world.
I'll probably hear back from Suffolk on monday, thank god. that's my top choice school, followed by Worcester.
I'm ungrounded next weekend, and I can't wait.
I have a photoshoot on the 29th.
I'm not wasting anytime.
I can't wait to get back to the real world.
selena rox and the undeniable truth
"cut your losses while you can still hold your head up high"
is what they told me,
but these wise words fell upon my ears;
deafened by false pretenses-
and secret relations kept behind closed doors.
now it's plain to see that i've been the fool-
falling apart over a settlement,
that keeps me coming back for more.
for weeks i've pretended like it didn't matter-
fronted like i didn't care.
i was merely saving face-
the one that drew you in a couple months ago.
at this point it's safe to say that i'm just another dumb girl-
too naive to see that she was just like the rest,
too proud to consider it possible,
and now too weak to stand her ground.
As much as I tell myself that i won't sink that low again,
i find myself drowning in your sea of temptation.
once everyone else has fallen asleep,
once everyone else has left the apartment,
it's just you and me,
and the sunrise,
over an inevitable horizon of regret.
I've gone above and beyond,
to be good to you.
I've risked it all,
and lost.
You once told me that you respected me,
as a person,
as a woman,
and as your friend.
But I guess after all was said and done,
you didn't find me worthy of it.
I can only imagine that is why we never talk anymore.
I know that communication is a two-way street,
but I think I've put in enough effort as it is.
The worst part of all is that,
I wouldn't respect me, either.
I am filth.
I am damaged.
I am dirty.
I am sin.
is what they told me,
but these wise words fell upon my ears;
deafened by false pretenses-
and secret relations kept behind closed doors.
now it's plain to see that i've been the fool-
falling apart over a settlement,
that keeps me coming back for more.
for weeks i've pretended like it didn't matter-
fronted like i didn't care.
i was merely saving face-
the one that drew you in a couple months ago.
at this point it's safe to say that i'm just another dumb girl-
too naive to see that she was just like the rest,
too proud to consider it possible,
and now too weak to stand her ground.
As much as I tell myself that i won't sink that low again,
i find myself drowning in your sea of temptation.
once everyone else has fallen asleep,
once everyone else has left the apartment,
it's just you and me,
and the sunrise,
over an inevitable horizon of regret.
I've gone above and beyond,
to be good to you.
I've risked it all,
and lost.
You once told me that you respected me,
as a person,
as a woman,
and as your friend.
But I guess after all was said and done,
you didn't find me worthy of it.
I can only imagine that is why we never talk anymore.
I know that communication is a two-way street,
but I think I've put in enough effort as it is.
The worst part of all is that,
I wouldn't respect me, either.
I am filth.
I am damaged.
I am dirty.
I am sin.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
An excellent day for Selena Rox
so, today in physics, I went to turn on my calculator, because we were taking this HUGE test on relativity and the speed of light.
my calculator was dead.
fml.
i told mr. pressley this.
and he said "Selena, why does god hate you so much??!"
and I said "I don't know, Mr. Pressley, I really don't know!"
and then we chuckled. and he let me borrow a calculator.
so i came home, and there is a letter for me from the IRS.
I was like "WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH GOD?!"
and then I opened it, and found that my mum messed up the numbers on my tax forms...
she said that they owed me 300 or so doll-hairs.
but really, they owe me $542!!!
YAY YAY YAY!
Granted, this money is going to my mum to pay off my speeding ticket.... but hey!
If you look at it my way, it's like the speeding ticket never happened now... if you close your eyes and pretend that I'm not grounded and that I still have my licensce!!
my calculator was dead.
fml.
i told mr. pressley this.
and he said "Selena, why does god hate you so much??!"
and I said "I don't know, Mr. Pressley, I really don't know!"
and then we chuckled. and he let me borrow a calculator.
so i came home, and there is a letter for me from the IRS.
I was like "WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH GOD?!"
and then I opened it, and found that my mum messed up the numbers on my tax forms...
she said that they owed me 300 or so doll-hairs.
but really, they owe me $542!!!
YAY YAY YAY!
Granted, this money is going to my mum to pay off my speeding ticket.... but hey!
If you look at it my way, it's like the speeding ticket never happened now... if you close your eyes and pretend that I'm not grounded and that I still have my licensce!!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
selena rox makes music in the bedroom ;]
so i've been working on a couple songs in the bedroom while i've been grounded.
And through writing, i've discovered that my ability to write song titles is top notch,
but my actual lyric production? eh, not so much.
here is an example:
"I'm more epic than fucking Beowulf ever thought he was"
this song would be, well, epic as fuck.
but i can't quite follow through with my lyrics.
and it's pissin' me off.
And through writing, i've discovered that my ability to write song titles is top notch,
but my actual lyric production? eh, not so much.
here is an example:
"I'm more epic than fucking Beowulf ever thought he was"
this song would be, well, epic as fuck.
but i can't quite follow through with my lyrics.
and it's pissin' me off.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
selenarox; and the graduation dreams
So, I've got graduation on the brain.
Mainly because I can NOT wait to do it.
And my subconcious has been playing into my interest in graduation.
In the past month alone, I have had two very strange graduation dreams.
The first one:
The first one, was like, a weird conference??
Everyone that was graduating was sitting in an ampatheatre, and the relatives were hanging out in the lobby. the top of the seating was where the presenter was, with a curtain. Behind the curtain, were kids that had gone to our school, in our grade, at some point over the past 4 years, but were not graduating with us, i.e. they moved or stayed back or something.
A kid would emerge from the curtain and give a speech about the person who was about to graduate, (this girl was my best friend when I went here, blah blah, truely great, blah blah) and then present them with the diploma. As I watched this happen, I was talking to the person sitting next to me, and I just said "Wow, how much you want to bet that Levi has to present me?" joking. Levi and I were best friends, we kind of dated, and "were in love" at some points or another, blah blah waste of my life blah blah.
And from behind the curtain, comes out Levi, and he just says "this girl ruined my life, and doesn't deserve anything." and he burned my diploma! And said "fuck you, Selena Rox." and I stood up and was like "WHAT THE FUCK?!" and he just ran out, so I chased him, screaming, "HOW COULD YOU FUCK ME OVER LIKE THIS AGAIN?!" and I ran out to the lobby, and I lost him, and I saw my mum and I was enraged. I walked into this office room, it's the office room in Macy's department store, where my mum used to work, and I just destroyed the room.
Second dream:
So I was hanging out with my friends in RI, and I got home late on the night of graduation. Everyone at my house had already left, except my 13 year old cousin. for some reason, I was wearing flip-flops, and all I saw available to use to get to graduation was a tricycle. so her i am, wearing flip-flops, driving a tricycle to my graduation, and my cousin, who can drive, apparently, just drove next to me. Did I mention that it had rained recently, so the moon is shining off the pavement? (I have very vivid detailed dreams) and I just kept asking her to just let me drive with her and she was like
"Nah. You got this."
and I was like "...WTF?! You're only going to watch ME graduate, which I can't do I don't get there on time." and she was just like
"Naaaw. Seriously. You got this. You'll make it. I promise. I have faith in you." and then she drove off! and I was alone, riding a plastic big wheeled tricycle, in flip-flops, in the dark, on my wet street.
Mainly because I can NOT wait to do it.
And my subconcious has been playing into my interest in graduation.
In the past month alone, I have had two very strange graduation dreams.
The first one:
The first one, was like, a weird conference??
Everyone that was graduating was sitting in an ampatheatre, and the relatives were hanging out in the lobby. the top of the seating was where the presenter was, with a curtain. Behind the curtain, were kids that had gone to our school, in our grade, at some point over the past 4 years, but were not graduating with us, i.e. they moved or stayed back or something.
A kid would emerge from the curtain and give a speech about the person who was about to graduate, (this girl was my best friend when I went here, blah blah, truely great, blah blah) and then present them with the diploma. As I watched this happen, I was talking to the person sitting next to me, and I just said "Wow, how much you want to bet that Levi has to present me?" joking. Levi and I were best friends, we kind of dated, and "were in love" at some points or another, blah blah waste of my life blah blah.
And from behind the curtain, comes out Levi, and he just says "this girl ruined my life, and doesn't deserve anything." and he burned my diploma! And said "fuck you, Selena Rox." and I stood up and was like "WHAT THE FUCK?!" and he just ran out, so I chased him, screaming, "HOW COULD YOU FUCK ME OVER LIKE THIS AGAIN?!" and I ran out to the lobby, and I lost him, and I saw my mum and I was enraged. I walked into this office room, it's the office room in Macy's department store, where my mum used to work, and I just destroyed the room.
Second dream:
So I was hanging out with my friends in RI, and I got home late on the night of graduation. Everyone at my house had already left, except my 13 year old cousin. for some reason, I was wearing flip-flops, and all I saw available to use to get to graduation was a tricycle. so her i am, wearing flip-flops, driving a tricycle to my graduation, and my cousin, who can drive, apparently, just drove next to me. Did I mention that it had rained recently, so the moon is shining off the pavement? (I have very vivid detailed dreams) and I just kept asking her to just let me drive with her and she was like
"Nah. You got this."
and I was like "...WTF?! You're only going to watch ME graduate, which I can't do I don't get there on time." and she was just like
"Naaaw. Seriously. You got this. You'll make it. I promise. I have faith in you." and then she drove off! and I was alone, riding a plastic big wheeled tricycle, in flip-flops, in the dark, on my wet street.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
it's been a while since Selena Rox wrote something worth while...
Just saw "He's Just Not That Into You"
GAH.
SO GOOD.
OH MY GOD.
I cried a happy cry. I haven't had a happy cry in so long.
It was as if I were being proposed to, thats how realistic the movie became, and the developement of the characters.
I also saw the middle part of The Graduate today in film class,
and I LOVE THAT MOVIE now.
so much...
I dunno, I just can relate to Dustin Hoffman's character Benjamin so much.
And now to begin a plethora of thought:
I find myself feeling the same way tonight that I did after I saw Twilight-
Wanting to find love.
Now I know what you're thinking,
like WHAAAAT?! Selena, the cynic on love wanting to find someone to love, cuddle, adore, be adored, laugh with, hold, etc etc?! NAWW..
But as lame as it is,
I do.
I found myself relating to Justin Long's Character, Alex, in He's Just Not That Into You- I refuse to let my guard down and realize when I like someone because I don't want to be vulnerable.
I totally hate relationships, right?
well, maybe it's not so much that I hate relationships,
as, I just happen to not find the right type to participate in.
So what does this all mean?
Well, I honestly don't know, completely.
I know this:
I'm not going to start specifically LOOKING for someone to be my significant other,
or anything like that,
nor am I going to jump into a relationship with someone.
Nothing like that, no no no,
I just know that I'm not going to be the way I have been about this kind of stuff.
I'm going to stop juggleing mini-flings,
I'm not going to hook-up with someone just because I find them attractive,
or anything like that.
I guess, I'm just going to grow up?
Perhaps?
I dunno.
I just miss getting to know people.
I feel like I don't really know anyone anymore.
I just use my observational skills, and intuition to figure out everyone's human nature.
but this doesn't mean I actually KNOW someone,
I just know them...
ya know?
Hahha.
I'm weird.
I'm so weird.
You know what else I realized about myself today?
Since I'm such a casual person,
easy-going and layed-back,
it's no wonder that the relationships I am involved in,
the friendships I have created are so casual.
Seriously.
I can't be serious with anyone date-wise.
It just doesn't happen.
I just want so bad to not be that girl,
the clingy, girly-girl.
So much so that I'm one of the guys,
but not just any one of the guys,
I'm one of the guys that the guys think is hott,
so then we kiss and stuff,
but that's all.
Just friends with benefits.
I never really had an issue with this,
until I realized this:
all of the girls that I think less of
because of their promiscuous relationships with men,
they are just like me.
Well, not just like me,
but we're involved in similar situations,
so why don't I think less of myself??
When I do what I do,
I consider it okay because I am like one of the guys--
I have a double standard.
WTF?! Seriously?
Yeah, I know, messed up.
And so now I'm done with that.
I was so appalled at myself when I realized that.
It was ridiculous.
The only thing that makes me different than this one girl that I will openly admit that I talk mad shit about,
is that I don't smoke or drink...
or have herpes...
hahaha.
so I'm done judging women that have casual hook-ups,
because I'm one of them,
and I feel more like high-fiving them now,
the way that I high-five my friends when I score.
giggity gig.
anyhow.
I'm a changed girl now,
which is pretty dope,
I'm feeling good about myself.
Just rollin' with the punches.
GAH.
SO GOOD.
OH MY GOD.
I cried a happy cry. I haven't had a happy cry in so long.
It was as if I were being proposed to, thats how realistic the movie became, and the developement of the characters.
I also saw the middle part of The Graduate today in film class,
and I LOVE THAT MOVIE now.
so much...
I dunno, I just can relate to Dustin Hoffman's character Benjamin so much.
And now to begin a plethora of thought:
I find myself feeling the same way tonight that I did after I saw Twilight-
Wanting to find love.
Now I know what you're thinking,
like WHAAAAT?! Selena, the cynic on love wanting to find someone to love, cuddle, adore, be adored, laugh with, hold, etc etc?! NAWW..
But as lame as it is,
I do.
I found myself relating to Justin Long's Character, Alex, in He's Just Not That Into You- I refuse to let my guard down and realize when I like someone because I don't want to be vulnerable.
I totally hate relationships, right?
well, maybe it's not so much that I hate relationships,
as, I just happen to not find the right type to participate in.
So what does this all mean?
Well, I honestly don't know, completely.
I know this:
I'm not going to start specifically LOOKING for someone to be my significant other,
or anything like that,
nor am I going to jump into a relationship with someone.
Nothing like that, no no no,
I just know that I'm not going to be the way I have been about this kind of stuff.
I'm going to stop juggleing mini-flings,
I'm not going to hook-up with someone just because I find them attractive,
or anything like that.
I guess, I'm just going to grow up?
Perhaps?
I dunno.
I just miss getting to know people.
I feel like I don't really know anyone anymore.
I just use my observational skills, and intuition to figure out everyone's human nature.
but this doesn't mean I actually KNOW someone,
I just know them...
ya know?
Hahha.
I'm weird.
I'm so weird.
You know what else I realized about myself today?
Since I'm such a casual person,
easy-going and layed-back,
it's no wonder that the relationships I am involved in,
the friendships I have created are so casual.
Seriously.
I can't be serious with anyone date-wise.
It just doesn't happen.
I just want so bad to not be that girl,
the clingy, girly-girl.
So much so that I'm one of the guys,
but not just any one of the guys,
I'm one of the guys that the guys think is hott,
so then we kiss and stuff,
but that's all.
Just friends with benefits.
I never really had an issue with this,
until I realized this:
all of the girls that I think less of
because of their promiscuous relationships with men,
they are just like me.
Well, not just like me,
but we're involved in similar situations,
so why don't I think less of myself??
When I do what I do,
I consider it okay because I am like one of the guys--
I have a double standard.
WTF?! Seriously?
Yeah, I know, messed up.
And so now I'm done with that.
I was so appalled at myself when I realized that.
It was ridiculous.
The only thing that makes me different than this one girl that I will openly admit that I talk mad shit about,
is that I don't smoke or drink...
or have herpes...
hahaha.
so I'm done judging women that have casual hook-ups,
because I'm one of them,
and I feel more like high-fiving them now,
the way that I high-five my friends when I score.
giggity gig.
anyhow.
I'm a changed girl now,
which is pretty dope,
I'm feeling good about myself.
Just rollin' with the punches.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
selena rox takes a sick day
woke up at 3:30 this morning.
i knew i needed to write the essay i had put off, but i just couldn't bring myself to do it.
procastionation is my biggest flaw.
and it has taken over me.
i have a bit of a sore throat, so i decided to milk it to take today off.
not that it really matters, my parents are in another country.
had a very interesting weekend.
just proves how bad ass and skilled i am.
i can't wait for tomorrow,
i'm going to make a grocery run,
since i would really like to make some stir-fry for dinner tomorrow night,
and i need some good fresh veggies, and some good seasonings and what not.
i hate being allergic to my cats.
making me feel legit sick.
not cool.
so today's agenda looks like this:
-quick lunch[sandwichessss or bagelsss]
-essay writing paragraph 1&2
-being a loser and playing the sims :]
-pilates perhaps, or just some random things to tone up.
-writing paragraph 3&4
-dinner [most likely some sort of pasta dish]
-synth stuff
-writing final paragraph[s]
-playing frisbee outside with my dog
-moviesss and monday night comedy.
I really love living on my own so far.
but i wish i had a super fun roommate.
that'd be awesomeeee.
i knew i needed to write the essay i had put off, but i just couldn't bring myself to do it.
procastionation is my biggest flaw.
and it has taken over me.
i have a bit of a sore throat, so i decided to milk it to take today off.
not that it really matters, my parents are in another country.
had a very interesting weekend.
just proves how bad ass and skilled i am.
i can't wait for tomorrow,
i'm going to make a grocery run,
since i would really like to make some stir-fry for dinner tomorrow night,
and i need some good fresh veggies, and some good seasonings and what not.
i hate being allergic to my cats.
making me feel legit sick.
not cool.
so today's agenda looks like this:
-quick lunch[sandwichessss or bagelsss]
-essay writing paragraph 1&2
-being a loser and playing the sims :]
-pilates perhaps, or just some random things to tone up.
-writing paragraph 3&4
-dinner [most likely some sort of pasta dish]
-synth stuff
-writing final paragraph[s]
-playing frisbee outside with my dog
-moviesss and monday night comedy.
I really love living on my own so far.
but i wish i had a super fun roommate.
that'd be awesomeeee.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
the misadventures of selena rox;
so. i woke up at 5 am today. which wasn't too fun.
then i took a shower, tried to stretch my ears, but to no avail.
then i started to get ready for school.
the roads were still very messy, and i wasn't impressed.
i was so bored at school. i got there a half an hour before class started because i'm trying to not be late anymore.
and no one was there really.
so i just did laps around the school.
noticed all the freshmen faces that i've never noticed before.
then i gawked at mr. mccullough while he was in the copy room.
i can't even begin to explain to you the horrible, unspeakable things i would do to have a very inappropriate extra-curricular affair with him.
he's not even my teacher, i just randomly see him around and i'm like 'god damn.'
then michelle was finally at school and we did a lap before class.
then i had english.
where i got my in-class essay from last class back to find that I did not receive any credit for it. fuck my life.
then we took a test. and i feel pretty awesome about it, but then again thats how i felt about the in-class essay.
granted, she's letting me re-write it next monday for half credit.
then i developed prints in the dark room for two hours.
then i had lunch with tilmann and julian.
then i had physics, which was a br00tal test and a half that i know i definitely failed.
but my physics grade is pretty decent, so i can take the hit.
then i went to main street piercing to solve my ear dilemma.
and this Sarah girl I used to have psychology with was working there, so i caught up with her for a bit and got some pretty sweet plugs for super cheap, and they fit right in, which is great.
then i went to wendy's and got some delicious fries.
then i went and got my bronze on.
then i went to my doctor's appointment early, and got in right away,
which was awesome.
then my doctor and i discussed my love life and my life plans.
awesome. just what everyone else keeps asking me about, and now my doctor.
everyone always asks me if i have a boyfriend, and acts funny once they find out I don't.
what? is there like something wrong with me being single for most of my young life?
I don't think so.
fuck commitment.
everyone disappoints me.
why let it get personal?
anyways.
then i came home.
made $10.
then i killed time and looked for jobs.
then i drove to meet up with dan in the old port.
and it was really cold and windy.
and my car alarm kept going off while i was sitting in my car.
super awkward and embarrassing.
had a nice chill sesh with dan, then came home.
i had had to pee for like two hours, so i just wanted to put my backpack in my room and go to the bathroom,
and i was almost there, and my mum stopped me,
for like,
20 minutes to talk about my english grade,
and basically just nag at me.
pissin' me off.
and then i finally had enough and said
"Hey, I really have had to pee for like two hours, and thats all i want to do right now, so I'm gonna go do that. "
and now i am here, telling the world about my rollercoaster day.
cant wait to get out of this house for the summer/forever.
then i took a shower, tried to stretch my ears, but to no avail.
then i started to get ready for school.
the roads were still very messy, and i wasn't impressed.
i was so bored at school. i got there a half an hour before class started because i'm trying to not be late anymore.
and no one was there really.
so i just did laps around the school.
noticed all the freshmen faces that i've never noticed before.
then i gawked at mr. mccullough while he was in the copy room.
i can't even begin to explain to you the horrible, unspeakable things i would do to have a very inappropriate extra-curricular affair with him.
he's not even my teacher, i just randomly see him around and i'm like 'god damn.'
then michelle was finally at school and we did a lap before class.
then i had english.
where i got my in-class essay from last class back to find that I did not receive any credit for it. fuck my life.
then we took a test. and i feel pretty awesome about it, but then again thats how i felt about the in-class essay.
granted, she's letting me re-write it next monday for half credit.
then i developed prints in the dark room for two hours.
then i had lunch with tilmann and julian.
then i had physics, which was a br00tal test and a half that i know i definitely failed.
but my physics grade is pretty decent, so i can take the hit.
then i went to main street piercing to solve my ear dilemma.
and this Sarah girl I used to have psychology with was working there, so i caught up with her for a bit and got some pretty sweet plugs for super cheap, and they fit right in, which is great.
then i went to wendy's and got some delicious fries.
then i went and got my bronze on.
then i went to my doctor's appointment early, and got in right away,
which was awesome.
then my doctor and i discussed my love life and my life plans.
awesome. just what everyone else keeps asking me about, and now my doctor.
everyone always asks me if i have a boyfriend, and acts funny once they find out I don't.
what? is there like something wrong with me being single for most of my young life?
I don't think so.
fuck commitment.
everyone disappoints me.
why let it get personal?
anyways.
then i came home.
made $10.
then i killed time and looked for jobs.
then i drove to meet up with dan in the old port.
and it was really cold and windy.
and my car alarm kept going off while i was sitting in my car.
super awkward and embarrassing.
had a nice chill sesh with dan, then came home.
i had had to pee for like two hours, so i just wanted to put my backpack in my room and go to the bathroom,
and i was almost there, and my mum stopped me,
for like,
20 minutes to talk about my english grade,
and basically just nag at me.
pissin' me off.
and then i finally had enough and said
"Hey, I really have had to pee for like two hours, and thats all i want to do right now, so I'm gonna go do that. "
and now i am here, telling the world about my rollercoaster day.
cant wait to get out of this house for the summer/forever.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
just another day in the life of Selena Rox
So, what kind of internet user that writes down their thoughts for the world to see would I be if I didn't eventually get a blog?
I hate the fact that Selena Gomez got famous. for gods sake, I couldn't get my name as my url because I'm assuming some teenybopper has it. and their blogs are probably all "zomg Selena Gomez iz lyke sow hawt && kewl && zomg I lyke luv her and stuff!!!1! LOL."
pissin' me off.
I remember when I was a kid I wanted to become famous,
so that way people would stop saying "Oh, like that famous singer that died and JLo played her in a movie??"
And I still get that a lot.
And I know that shortly,
someone I meet will just utter the words that will throw me into such a rage,
the moment will happen,
and their mouth and words will be in slow mo'
and my eyes will zoom in,
and only see their mouth move as they say
"Oh, Like Selena Gomez?"
and those will most likely be that last words they ever say.
...
okay probably not.
I'll probably just make one of my faces and say surly-ly
"Yes, like Selena Gomez...fuck my life."
I feel like there is a lot of pressure on this blog I am writing right now.
Like.
This is the first one.
I mean, sure I can always delete it later,
but I mean, a first time should be special, ya know?
so I'm trying my best to be awesome,
and not boring,
but gentle, too.
Random people keep friend requesting me on facebook,
not complaining, it's just strange.
A lot of my family is now on facebook,
as well as teachers that I hold near and dear to my heart,
so I find that I must censor myself a lot.
Because even though I'm the type of person who's favorite swear word is fuck,
I'm not going to go putting that in my status anymore
because I don't want them to think less of me.
These are people who to me, their opinions matter the most.
I have so much respect for them.
Oh.
And slowly but surely, I'm giving up on Maine boys/guys/men.
I can't help but feel like I'm either wasting my time,
or everything they say is just a clever game.
and I'm over games.
My life, to me, is a movie.
Eventually I'll have some great romantic plot,
but right now, I'm not feeling it.
Everytime I think I'm close to something
with potential to be great,
I get let down.
or I get scared and fuck everything up.
I'm always amazed by the amount of people that:
care about me, think about me, read and are interested in the things I write, talk to me, want to get to know me, think I'm pretty, want me to be around.
it's always just so surreal to me.
I like the way people know stuff about me,
after only meeting me once,
like they really noticed me,
or listened to something i said,
that even though I didn't think it was a big deal,
they remembered it.
it's amazing.
So I have to go get ready for my second-to-last day at work right now.
So I suppose I'll end this now.
So hey, everybody, my name is Selena Rox, and I'm a legit blogger now.
I hate the fact that Selena Gomez got famous. for gods sake, I couldn't get my name as my url because I'm assuming some teenybopper has it. and their blogs are probably all "zomg Selena Gomez iz lyke sow hawt && kewl && zomg I lyke luv her and stuff!!!1! LOL."
pissin' me off.
I remember when I was a kid I wanted to become famous,
so that way people would stop saying "Oh, like that famous singer that died and JLo played her in a movie??"
And I still get that a lot.
And I know that shortly,
someone I meet will just utter the words that will throw me into such a rage,
the moment will happen,
and their mouth and words will be in slow mo'
and my eyes will zoom in,
and only see their mouth move as they say
"Oh, Like Selena Gomez?"
and those will most likely be that last words they ever say.
...
okay probably not.
I'll probably just make one of my faces and say surly-ly
"Yes, like Selena Gomez...fuck my life."
I feel like there is a lot of pressure on this blog I am writing right now.
Like.
This is the first one.
I mean, sure I can always delete it later,
but I mean, a first time should be special, ya know?
so I'm trying my best to be awesome,
and not boring,
but gentle, too.
Random people keep friend requesting me on facebook,
not complaining, it's just strange.
A lot of my family is now on facebook,
as well as teachers that I hold near and dear to my heart,
so I find that I must censor myself a lot.
Because even though I'm the type of person who's favorite swear word is fuck,
I'm not going to go putting that in my status anymore
because I don't want them to think less of me.
These are people who to me, their opinions matter the most.
I have so much respect for them.
Oh.
And slowly but surely, I'm giving up on Maine boys/guys/men.
I can't help but feel like I'm either wasting my time,
or everything they say is just a clever game.
and I'm over games.
My life, to me, is a movie.
Eventually I'll have some great romantic plot,
but right now, I'm not feeling it.
Everytime I think I'm close to something
with potential to be great,
I get let down.
or I get scared and fuck everything up.
I'm always amazed by the amount of people that:
care about me, think about me, read and are interested in the things I write, talk to me, want to get to know me, think I'm pretty, want me to be around.
it's always just so surreal to me.
I like the way people know stuff about me,
after only meeting me once,
like they really noticed me,
or listened to something i said,
that even though I didn't think it was a big deal,
they remembered it.
it's amazing.
So I have to go get ready for my second-to-last day at work right now.
So I suppose I'll end this now.
So hey, everybody, my name is Selena Rox, and I'm a legit blogger now.
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